Copyright © 2001 by Margie Ingram. All Rights Reserved.

Blogger’s Note: Margie wrote this shortly after September 11, 2001. This article is still a timely way to reframe our “brave new world” and provides perspective and a process for responding to challenging, world-changing, and/or crisis situations.

Several weeks now have passed since September 11th. We will undoubtedly always recall when we first heard of the tragedy, who we were with, where we were. In one form or another, we, along with our fellow Americans, have been grieving since then. We have checked in with family and friends who are either in NYC, Washington, DC or Pennsylvania or who may have known people involved. We’ve sent money and given blood. We’ve been participating in one or more of the hundreds – perhaps thousands – of candlelight vigils held in communities around America and hanging flags in our offices and homes in an effort to unite further with our fellow citizens, and, yes, with ourselves.

And now, we’re told that the best thing to do is to return to “normal,” to continue our lives as before. Yet some of us are wondering what that concept means: what’s “normal”? How do I begin to live what I knew as a “normal” life again? Even Daniel Shorr reflected on National Public Radio on September 24, “How can we return to normal when life is not normal at all?”

Indeed, many of us will never know life as it was before. In time, however, a “new normal” will evolve for us. We do have a choice in both what this “new normal” will look like for us and how we move into this new era. To help us along the way, here are nine specific steps that we can take to help ourselves bridge what may seem like an insurmountable gap between “old normal” and “N-E-W N-O-R-M-A-L.”

Needs: To help pull ourselves out of the initial emotional reaction to the crisis, we can ask ourselves, “What do I need now, what do others need and what does the situation need? What can I do to help?”

Exercise: By working out the tension that builds up in our bodies in the short run, we will be taking care of ourselves in the long run.

Welcome feelings, don’t run from them: Appropriately venting emotional reactions to the crisis will help us move on, rather than stay stuck in the pit of emotional turmoil. The adage “Anger rusts the container” clearly reminds us of the consequences of not dealing with strong emotions. Rather than building up into unresolved bitterness, resentment and hatred, we create our own emotional “safety valves” by talking with (and listening to) friends, family and co-workers.

Notice possibilities: It’s true: when one door has closed, another opens….. if we are open to noticing it. By being open to possibilities that a crisis may bring, we can begin to think of life on the other side of it. We have all been touched by the scenes that we have viewed over and over again on our TVs in the first hours and days after the tragedy: people helping people, bonded by a common experience, a common tragedy. Indeed, Richard Bach has stated: “There’s no such thing as a problem without a gift for you in its hands.”

Ordinary comforts: One way that we can help ourselves is to surround ourselves with the “anchors” in our lives, those objects, memories, and/or beliefs that have brought us comfort in the past and continue to do so: favorite foods, stuffed animals, pictures, sitting in a favorite chair or lying on a favorite couch, reading a favorite inspirational book, watching a favorite video. By surrounding ourselves with these ordinary comforts, we feed our own souls, we fill our own cups.

Reach out….. to help someone: Research shows that helping others helps us, too. We can each identify specific ways that we can help others deal with the crisis. Immediately after the tragedy we gathered needed goods and sent in money; now needs may consist of listening to a friend talk about her fears, transporting an acquaintance to a religious service, or helping reassure children that they are safe. We feed ourselves as we reach out and help others.

Make time for ourselves: As time goes on in our transition, we need to be sensitive to maintaining our own strength and energy. While it would be very easy to stay in constant motion, it’s important to continue to fuel ourselves so that we can keep ourselves going. We can do this by following the principle of “intentional balance.” As an Argus poster from the 1970’s reminds us, “The time to relax is when we don’t have time to relax.” We need to ask ourselves what relaxes us and be sure to build in time for these activities so that we can replenish our own energy reserves and “keep on keeping on.”

Action: The most resilient people are those who take initiative to do something about problems at hand. Not staying stuck long (if at all), they will find a way to take action that will immediately help. We saw much of this in the tremendous response to the call of the Red Cross for blood immediately after the tragedy occurred; people waited in lines for hours to give blood, wanting to “do something.” We heard of hundreds of inspiring actions taken by different communities; for instance, as reported on NPR, one Greenwich, Connecticut elementary school enabled its students to take action by having each student bring in an extra bag lunch one day to be taken to the rescue workers.

Laugh: Last, but certainly not least, we can look for things in our daily lives that will help us smile, laugh, and begin to discover an energizing part of our lives again. This may be watching our pets roll and tumble, listening carefully to our children, looking for the humor and lightness in the world around us. Steve Allen once observed, “There’s nothing quite as funny as the unintended humor of reality.” Indeed, there’s not. Let’s be on the look-out for the lighter side of our lives. By doing so, we will be helping bring ourselves along the path toward the “New Normal” world in which we are now living.