We love getting mail– especially because we receive so much joke mail! Thanks to all the readers who add to our humor repertoire.

“Readers’ Di-Jest” is a chance for you to do some networking and nutworking with other subscribers. Feel free to send in your own humorous gems and examples of how you’ve used humor in your life and work. Once we receive ’em, we’ll spread the positive contagion of laughter through “Readers’ Di-Jest.” Elliott Blauvelt, Sr. from Horseheads, New York has been horsing around with humor for quite a while. He passes along some words of wit and wisdom for our readers: Everyone would like to live a long life, but no one wants to be old.

Jim Lipuma, a counselor from Buffalo, NY, knows hearty laughter can give your diaphragm a good workout. He experienced it directly:

At a very formal dinner– the first time my future wife met my parents, grandparents, etc.– it was very quiet at the dinner table. At that point, my fiance, Judy, sneezed. When she tried to stifle subsequent sneezes, I warned her, “Don’t do that… it will blow out your diaphragm!” At this point, everyone stopped talking, and it got even quieter. I didn’t realize what I had said– until later when it occurred to me that there are two meanings of “diaphragm.”

Perhaps Marvin Schlesinger from Freeport, New York, could have come to Jim’s rescue with some scientific daffynitions:

• Argon= people who have disappeared (like Jim wishes he could have)
• Silicon= a funny crook
• Climate= to struggle up a hill
• Astatine= to ask the advice of an adolescent
• Dew point= the place at which something happens

Florence Ditlow, an R.N. from Roslindale, Massachusetts passes along a vial of dew point:

It was about 7 PM at a hospital at which I worked in Tennessee. A man was admitted to evaluate a problem with infertility. The nurse instructed him to give us a sperm specimen and gave him a standard specimen cup. “But we have to get it to the lab soon after you obtain it,” she said. Well, after giving the specimen, he fell asleep, and when the nurse returned the specimen was too old for a proper sperm count. She asked him to repeat the procedure.

Before the nurse could return, an unknowing orderly stopped by to collect sputum specimens on the various rooms. When he saw the contents of the cup, he noticed also that the patient was sweating and plastered to the bed. “I’m sorry, sir. I know you’ve been trying hard to get up enough… you’ll just have to cough up some more for us.” The patient said, “It’s not hard… but I’ll manage somehow.” And he did come through!

Elizabeth Dowley from Troy, New York knows that humor comes through! She writes, “I have been subscribing to LAUGHING MATTERS for over four years and eagerly await each issue. I keep a file of jokes and humor to share with friends, particularly when any of them is convalescing. Recently, a friend passed some along to me, and I decided to grin and share it with you (and other subscribers):

These are answers given by children in confirmation classes compiled by All Saints Episcopal Church in Birmingham, Alabama:

• When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.
• People have only one wife or husband– that is called “monotony”.
• The natives of Macedonia did not believe Paul, so he got stoned.
• It is often difficult to hear in church because the agnostics are so terrible.

Albert van Roden from York, Pennsylvania certainly is a true believer when it comes to humor. He offers “Senior Sense and Nonsense” through his Wellspring imprint. Here is a sampling:

• Age is like underwear– it creeps up on you.
• “Older” is when you feel your oats less, and your corns more.
• The older the violin, the sweeter the tune.
• The “elderly” are always those 15 years older than I am. (Bernard Baruch)
• The older we get, the more we balance passion with compassion.
• To be seventy years young is often far more cheerful than to be forty years old. (Oliver Wendell Holmes)
• Grow old along with me– the best is yet to be. (Robert Browning)
• It’s not how old we are, but how we are old.

Carol Ann Fried from Vancouver, British Columbia reminds us that:

“The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.”

And speaking of life…. Bill Jones, an OB-GYN from Columbus, Indiana, tells this tale:

“I’m sorry. You must have a wrong number. There’s no plumber here,” was the statement I heard as my 8-year-old hung up the phone. Some minutes later, as I emerged from the shower, I heard the same, albeit more adamant response as he again hung up the phone. “Lady wants a plumber,” he muttered. Puzzled, I picked up the phone when it rang again soon thereafter. The frustrated voice of one of my pregnant patients solved the mystery. “Thank God, I’ve finally gotten through to you! My water has broken, and I’ve been hung up on twice!” It was a day later, with her baby snuggled in her arms, that she was able to appreciate the humor of the situation. It was some years later before my son was able to appreciate it.

Some of us have our water break when we laugh– it’s a delicious feeling to laugh so hard we cry! Gloria Walz from Largo, Florida shares a couple of these times for her:

As a Sunday School teacher, I had spent several weeks helping the children memorize the names of the books of the Bible. I asked if anyone could tell me the name of the very first book. An 8- year-old raised his hand and when I called on him, he looked under the table (at the Bible on his lap), and said, “Pre-face”.

When studying about other lands, I asked if anyone knew the words of another language. A little girl said her grandmother spoke German– whenever she had to use the bathroom, she said she was going to the “privy”.

In the meantime, we hope you get the picture– keep those cards, letters, and photographs coming. We’ll pass them along to your fellow readers to di-jest. Thanks!